What is Holiday Stress?

Holiday stress is common for many people because of the burn out many people are feeling towards the end of each year. Holidays provide a bit of a reprieve for some, from everyday life, but also highlight that another year has passed which can cause anxiety and self-deprecation.

What Causes Holiday Stress?

A primary cause of holiday stress for people is financial pressure to buy gifts that feel meaningful for the people they care about. Some people know that this time of year means buying more food, more social gatherings, and gift exchanges. For people who do not have as much expendable income, holidays can be stressful because they either cannot afford gifts, or they know that buying gifts will mean less funds for other parts of their lives like retirement, paying off loans, or savings. Allocating less funds to these major areas can cause anxiety.

Existential dread is another part of holiday stress. Some people feel more self-critical and less motivated around the holidays because they know another year has passed, and feel like they have not "done enough" in the year that they had hoped they would accomplish. The older we get, the more we start to think about what we want to accomplish before we die. The end of the year for some people makes them feel inadequate.

For most people, the holidays signify a time to spend with family. This can mean having to deal with controversial conversations such as politics, religion, or dating/sexuality. This can also mean seeing family members that we would rather not see, and possibly having to set boundaries with those family members. Depending on the person's family, they may not be very accepting, open to feedback, or provide unconditional love. When family ties are strained, being around your family does not always feel enjoyable and can cause extreme stress. Even when we do enjoy being around family, the uninterrupted family time for a few days to a week can feel overwhelming and different from our established independent life. Some families also put pressure on family members to achieve what they deem as "success" such as going to college, getting married, or having children. For people who prioritize other aspects of their lives, these comments and conversations can feel very judgemental.

The holidays are a prime time for grief to hit. When we have experienced any kind of loss such as someone important to us passing away, losing a job, or divorce, the holidays make us reminisce and feel sad. Especially when there is a loss of a loved one or divorce, we are reminded of how we used to spend the holiday with this person that is no longer around, and it makes the holidays feel less cheerful. Some people try to avoid holidays altogether to try to push away their grief and depression. Unfortunately, avoiding it can actually make our stress and grief worse over time.

How to Deal with Holiday Stress

Acknowledging your holiday stress and trying to pinpoint a trigger to it is the first step to begin coping. We want to avoid self-criticizing and being judgemental of ourselves when we are experiencing stress. Identifying themes around your holiday stress can help you pinpoint the trigger. Does it happen when you are driving somewhere specific? Does it happen when you look at your credit card statements or pay for food? Or does it pop up when you see a reminder of a loved one who has passed? Sometimes it is harder to pinpoint. For example, experiencing more irritability at work around the holidays. If it feels more ambiguous and you cannot tell what is causing difficulty concentrating, for example, you can utilize journaling. It can help to start with writing a list of what you do not like about the holidays. Jotting down anything and everything you can think of that makes the holidays suck can help you understand how your mind is interpreting and experiencing the holiday season. From here, look for themes that can lead you to what your triggers are.

Taking some time to yourself is another way to practice self care around the holidays. This may mean having a day or days where you engage in your favorite self-care activities alone or with friends that you do not feel stressed around. Some self-care activities may include reading, bingeing your favorite shows, taking a walk or incorporating movement into your day, taking a bath, meditating, writing down things you are proud of, or treating yourself to a nice dinner. Think of stress as experiencing a cold. We must take care of ourselves and nurture ourselves in order for our body to regulate when feeling stressed.

Setting boundaries is also important for managing holiday stress. This may mean boundaries with yourself such as putting a limit on holiday spending or the amount of time you are socializing. Capping social time can be helpful when we are running low on energy, and socializing takes energy we have stored up. Sometimes it is not fun to say "no" to social plans, but it can be in our best interest when we know we are experiencing high stress and need to recharge. Some boundaries with others may be telling family members you are only attending an event for a 3 hour span, or asking family to refrain from talking about certain subjects that produce stress. If your family or friends cannot refrain from these topics you have set a boundary about, you can also decide to leave. We do not need to stay in an environment where we feel we are being disrespected.

If grief is a part of our holiday stress, we must let ourselves mourn without avoiding it. When we repress feelings, they still impact our body and mind. This can look like taking a span of time, such as an hour, and looking at pictures of the person who passed away to invoke grief feelings. This could also look like visiting the person's burial site, or favorite restaurant. Allow yourself to feel sad, and angry. You can set a limit on the grief if it feels too overpowering and plan an activity once the hour is over that has nothing to do with the grief.

With any type of holiday stress, it could always be beneficial to seek therapy and process the anxiety with a professional.